Love Without Possession
Nothing belongs to you in this realm, yet, in the most beautiful of ways, everything belongs to all of us. All the material possessions you amass and all of the relationship you experience, biological and emotional, will all be gone, at some point. It seems the only thing we get to carry with us is the set of knowledge we collect. Our continuity of thought, built on this learning and on our experiences, basically forms who we are, at any given moment. Even “who we are” is a moving target.
With that in mind, it seems pointless to attempt to “possess” things or to believe that people “belong” to us. The concept of “my spouse” or “my Kids” or “my friends” typically evokes some feeling of possession or belonging. In fact, any of these relationships really invokes an agreement to experience portions of this life together. They typically represent the agreement to assist each other with certain tasks in life. They represent commitment and responsibility. They do not represent “ownership” or “possession”. Many people have emotional “check lists” of life accomplishments. Getting married and having children are on those lists for many, many people.
It is advisable, I think, to learn to appreciate the value in all things and all people…but…never attempt to cling to any of it. It is OK to deeply appreciate, value and love your spouse. However, if at some point in life the enrichment of this relationship fades, it is not a sign of personal failure. It may even be a sign of personal growth, for both of you. None of us gets to experience all aspects of all people that we encounter. You may yearn to experience people in ways that are not available, given other commitments or circumstances. In these situations focus on appreciating and loving those aspects of people that you ARE able to experience. Waste no time lamenting the aspects that you cannot access. The time spent “suffering” for what you want will diminish the time spent enjoying what you “have”.
This is also true of experiencing things, places, events, etc. Absorb all the knowledge and understanding you can. Do not attempt to hold on. Remember, you cannot sail your ship to another port if you insist on remaining anchored where you are…
NOTE: Neither the things you “want” nor the things you “have” are yours. You are just experiencing them. They are, as with almost all things, transient. Encounter, enjoy, enrich, learn, remember, move on… In this way, all things are accessible to all of us, to a degree. None of us, in our limited space and time can experience everything in this realm. This, it seems to me, provides an even more urgent incentive to diminish our need to “possess”. This approach to life will allow more freedom, in space and time, to explore and learn and grow. You may seek safety or you may seek freedom...but you will not attain both....