Detachment

Nothing “belongs to us”.  We are renters.  We attach ourselves to buildings and call them our “homes”.  We attach ourselves to people and call them our families/friends. We gain a sense of comfort and security from these places and these people.  We use them as a framework for our “life decisions”.  Many of us come to see these frameworks as our very life itself. 

We work, and acquire things, in order to maintain these homes, these relationships and these frameworks.  We invest them with “meaning”.  Then, many people seek “cosmic certification” of these life decisions by attaching to a religion.  Many people have, in fact, been raised in these religions, which were adopted by their families, many generations earlier, as they sought ways to reconcile their lives, and actions, to the world around them.   With all these pieces in place we develop a sense that we are “building something”.  We all want to feel that we are building things that will last.

However, things don’t last.  Nothing that any human has ever done has lasted very long. Entropy takes care of that.  Our greatest buildings fall into disrepair and disuse.  Our nations are ever-changing.  Try as we may to suspend time, to create a wonderful situation then press the HOLD button, the universal forces move inexorably onward. We have all heard hundreds of “sad” stories about people who lost all their worldly possessions or their entire family, in an instant.  Then we reach for the ‘Why?’  We struggle to understand how this life we built could be gone.  Our ‘life’ is gone, yet ‘we’ are still here. How can this be?  

Because those things, those places and those people were never ‘your life’.  They were experiences that you got to have during ‘your life’.  Inevitably, you got to feel the experience of ‘loss’.  So, is it unwise to build such a life?   It all depends upon your VALUES and your perspective.  I believe that all experiences have value.  It is wonderful to feel the accomplishment of earning enough to own a home.  It is terrific to feel the joy of having a spouse, children and friends who care for you.  It is also very important to understand that these things and people are not yours.  You have a life that you are bound to experience.  While having a ‘home’ and a family can be enriching experiences, it is wise to understand that making these choices will also limit your ability to experience other things during your life on earth.  This is OK, if these are the value decisions you make.  Far be it from anyone else to tell you that your decisions are wrong.  They should stick to making decisions about their own lives.  

The point of this discussion is understanding that nothing is permanent.  If you attach your identity, your being, your ‘reason for living’ too closely to anyone or anything, you run the risk of serious issues when those things or people are gone.  Who will you be then?  

Might I suggest that a prudent approach to life is to enjoy all the experiences that you have, ‘good’ and ‘bad’.  Observe what is happening around you.  Observe your own thoughts and emotions. Cross-reference them to the people you love and the people you dislike.  Take some time to ponder why you like the things that bring you enjoyment and why other things are less interesting to you. 

Understand, at all times, moment-to-moment, everything, even your ‘self’, is changing. Trying to anchor your life to one moment, to one thing, to one person, to one vision of yourself may (will) prove painful. Appreciate. Explore. Think. Learn. Understand. Grow. Do. Become. Repeat.